The Russell Sprout Guide to Brussels Sprouts

But first, state of the Sproutstack & three gifts

Yes, I’ve written the newsletter in a regular newsletter format for the holidays. This is a special treat as it may be my last post of the year. Back to the regular nonsense in 2026, unless I get my longform Gilmore Girls take hammered out sooner. Enjoy!

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Dear readers,

What a year it's been for the Sproutstack! And by “year” I do mean “two months”. This newsletter has existed for two months. In that time, I have gained over 1200 of the world’s most handsome and/or beautiful readers, and such smart ones too!¹

Prior to my first article, I had 7 subscribers (because I posted on Notes). This is a 17100% increase in readership over a 60ish day period. At this pace, my analysts suggest that we should be hitting 200k subscribers by March and overtaking Matt Yglesias by April, which could allow this newsletter to pay for those analysts I hired.

Thanks to Substack’s audience data feature, I can see that the seeds of global dominance have already been planted. Already, I have nine subscribers in the Philippines, two in Peru, and one in Libya. I am conquering the world.

In a serious way, I am, now and always, deeply honored that anyone wants to read my work, much less over a thousand of you. As a token of my gratitude, I have brought you gold, frankincense, myrrh, and a really good recipe for roast Brussels sprouts. Please enjoy.

With love,
Russell

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Three Gifts

It is I, Three (one) Men (man) from the East (middle west) who is Wise (I spend too much time on Substack.) On this most blessed of days I bring to you tidings of great joy, and the gifts of Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh. That is, three excellent Substack publications, none of which have more than 100 subscribers. Get in on the ground floor and gloat about being early when they make it big. Blessed child, there is no need to thank me, it is merely divine will.

Gold

Girl Yelling at a Wall Magazine by Girl Yelling at a Wall Magazine (53 subscribers)

As you know because you subscribe to at least one Substack, everybody on Substack is trying to do film & culture commentary. Even I (sort of) do film & culture commentary. It’s all the rage. Ah, what a shame that so few do it well…

Girl Yelling at a Wall Magazine does it well. She’s incisive, she has a unique perspective, she’ll introduce you to worthwhile media you’ve never heard of, she understands film on both a technical and artistic level (very hard to do!), she has good taste. Her articles are genuinely refreshing and a joy to read. Think Clare Frances if she also watched old movies and cared about theatrical blocking.

Also, this newsletter has the best publication name on Substack since the now-inactive New York Review of Cooks.²

Frankincense

Crosswords by Charlie by Charlie Kolbrener (71 subscribers)

Not the only crossword publication on Substack, but my personal favorite. Kolbrener is a sharp constructor, he delivers on the clues being “topical,” and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every puzzle he’s put out.

I know this is a newsletter platform, but I also appreciate that he’s experimenting with the form a bit here. He has a custom web app built out to host his crosswords! That’s sick! Hell yeah, dude! Kolbrener’s not messing around, he’s treating this like a professional outlet, I respect it deeply and it shows in his puzzles.

Myrrh

Beef Supreme by Beef Supreme (48 subscribers)

This is admittedly not much of a publication. Beef Supreme has, to date, uploaded two bass solos, both more than a month ago. One of them has something that you could call an article attached to it, in which Supreme gives us a bit of his backstory: College music major, bombed his bass performance juries, working musician, had his first solo bass performance in years recently.

Those two bass solos are really good. I think he should upload more. Do one a week, Beef Supreme! Bless us with another, Beef Supreme! Borrow something better than a phone mic from one of your musician friends! You sound good!

Honorable mention to Laura Wright, who writes an excellent newsletter but crossed over the 100 mark recently and now doesn’t even get a section header.

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The Russell Sprout guide to Brussels Sprouts

YOU! Yes, YOU, young individual short on money but long on time! Have YOU been receiving pressure from your family to cook something for holiday occasions? Are YOU bad at cooking? Do YOU own a knife and a cutting board? Then THIS recipe is for YOU!

I love Brussels sprouts. I love them so much I named myself after them. I will make Brussels sprouts for any occasion. Casual dinners, fancy dinners, Thanksgiving, holiday parties, potlucks, nights home alone, I’m making Brussels sprouts.

The method

The secret is in the chop and arrangement. I fuss over these things and I have a very particular two-chop method. I will be upfront: This is not quick. It takes, for a weeknight dinner for two, 30 minutes at least. The advantage of Brussels sprouts is that it feels fancy with (relatively) inexpensive ingredients, not that it’s fast.

First, unless you’ve just broken the sprouts off their stalk³ or your grocery store stocks very fresh Brussels sprouts, the nubs on the base of each sprout probably look dark and grody. Chop that off, so a given sprout looks like this instead:

This chop also gives you the opportunity to pull off any wilted or discolored leaves.

Second, chop that sprout in half, from the base to the outer edge, so the sprout looks like this:

This exposes the inside of the sprout while keeping the leaves attached to the sprout’s core. A Brussels sprout is basically a miniature cabbage, after all.

Arrange them lovingly on a foil-lined baking sheet.⁴ Place them cut-side up if broiling (like I was the night I took these photos, because our landlord hasn’t fixed our baking element despite it being broken for weeks) or cut-side down if baking.

If you’re not baking or broiling, change your plans and use one of those two methods. The pan sear sucks and won’t get the buttery inside texture we’re looking for.

The other secret is in the dressing. You have to put the salt, pepper, and oil on at least 15 minutes in advance of them going in the oven. The oil seeps in between the leaves, making the inside of the sprout creamy instead of hard & crunchy.

The other other secret is to use a lot of olive oil. And I do mean a lot. Like, half a cup to a cup depending on how many Brussels sprouts you’re cooking. No, I am not kidding. Use just a drizzle and serve tasteless, undercooked Brussels sprouts at your own peril.

You can prep ahead by chopping and dressing in a freezer bag or lidded bowl. Do NOT chop and store without dressing, or the sprouts will oxidize and become brown.

Roast them at a medium temperature until golden brown, which is usually around 30 minutes. A fork should slide in easily. If prepping in advance, do NOT cook and then store in the fridge, they’ll lose their outer sear and become a mushy mess. Cook them the same day you serve, ideally close as possible before serving.

I, regrettably, forgot to take an “after” photo of the cooked sprouts, so I can’t show you what this looks like. Trust me that this is delicious and the method works. Here’s a decent approximation I found online, albeit without my patented arrangement method, on parchment instead of foil, and slightly less cooked than I usually go for:

From there, you can go further. Toss them in a glaze (honey-hot sauce works well), mix them with toasted almond slices, let them cool and add to a salad - this is a great base to do something with sprouts. Or you can do what I do and just serve them as is.

Roast Brussels Sprouts

Ingredients:

• Brussels sprouts (lots)

• Olive oil (lots)

• Salt, to taste

• Black pepper, to taste

Tools needed:

• Knife

• Cutting board

• Oven or broiler

• Baking pan

• Foil (optional but recommended)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C), or, if broiling, set broiler to low.

2. Take each Brussels sprout. Chop off its base and remove any loose leaves. Then, chop in half vertically, such that the cut goes from the base to the outer leaves. Repeat for each Brussels sprout.

3. Place each Brussels sprout on the tray, cut-side up if broiling, cut-side down if baking.

4. Dress the Brussels sprouts. Add a generous amount of olive oil, along with salt and pepper to taste.

5. Wait at least 15 minutes. The oil will seep in between each of the sprout’s leaves.

6. Broil (on the top rack) or bake, checking regularly but not disturbing the sprouts, until golden brown, around 30 to 45 minutes.

7. Remove from oven, wait 5 minutes to cool, and serve.

8. Let the compliments roll in, and bask in your glory.

1. By my rough estimate, about 800 of those, in some way, came from the Mike Wazowski article (now at over 3000 likes!) so all I need to do to keep these numbers up is write another smash hit.

2. As an aside, there’s a real market opening for a good cookbook review newsletter.

3. Stalks of Brussels sprouts are cute in your aesthetic tote bag at the farmer’s market, but they’re a total pain in the ass in every other way. No, I do not roast my Brussels sprouts on the stalk. What am I, an animal?

4. You don’t have to use foil, but I recommend it for an easier cleanup. I also recommend it over parchment paper, the metal conducts heat better and will ensure crispy sprouts.